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Red Vs Blue

Sunday, Dec. 12, 2004, 10:24 p.m.

I got really bored after playing on my piano, so... What?? It happens when you just start playing, okay? And I just started playing... um... today... Yea. Um.

Anyway, if you're bored you might be interested in Red Vs Blue. It's a series filmed using the game Halo. There are 45 episodes to date. Each episode's only about 5 minutes long, so don't look at me like that...

Red Vs Blue is about these 2 teams fighting each other in a... um... boxed up canyon. Yea. So you can tell its a lame show. But its a really funny lame show!! I'm addicted to it!

Here are the characters:

Blue Team
Church
Tucker
Caboose
Tex
Sheila (Their talking tank)

Red Team
Sarge
Simmons
Grif
Donut
Lopez (Their robot)

Neither Team
Doc
O'Malley (Some AI thingy that goes around possessing people and plan to take over the world)

I'm kinda stuck to it, so I've got all 45 episodes in my Media Center.

Here's some quotes to give you an example of the lameness:

Simmons: Do you ever wonder why we're here?
Grif: One of life's great mysteries isn't it? Why are we here? I mean, are we the product of some cosmic coincidence? Or is there really a God, watching everything. You know, with a plan for us and stuff. I don't know man, but it keeps me up at night.
Simmons: What? I mean why are we out here, in this canyon.
Grif: Uh... Oh... Yeah...
Simmons: What's all this stuff about God?
Grif: Uh... um... Nothing.
Simmons: Seriously, though. Why are we out here? As far as I can tell, it's just a box canyon in the middle of nowhere. No way in or out.
Grif: Mm-hm.
Simmons: The only reason that we set up a Red base here is 'cause they have a Blue base over there. And the only reason they have a Blue base over there is 'cause we have a Red base here.
Grif: Yeah. That's because we're fighting each other
Simmons: No, but I mean, even if we were to pull out today, and they were to come take our base, they would have two bases in the middle of a box canyon. Whoop-dee-doo.
Grif: What's up with that, anyway? I mean, I signed on to fight some aliens. Next thing I know, Master Chief blows up the whole Covenant armada, and I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere. Fighting a bunch of Blue guys.

Sarge: May I introduce the our new light reconnaissance vehicle! It has four-inch armour plating, mag bumper suspension, a mounted machine gunner position, and total seating for three. Gentlemen, this is the M12LRV! I like to call it the Warthog.
Simmons: Why Warthog, sir?
Sarge: Because 'M12LRV' is too hard to say in conversation, son.
Grif: No, but... Why Warthog? I mean, it doesn't really look like a pig.
Sarge: Say that again.
Grif: I think it looks more like a puma.
Sarge: What in Sam Hell is a puma?
Simmons: You mean like the shoe company?
Grif: No. Like a puma. It's a big cat. Like a lion.
Sarge: You're makin' that up.
Grif: I'm telling you, it's a real animal.
Sarge: Simmons, I want you to poison Grif's next meal.
Simmons: Yes, sir!
Sarge: [Points at front of the Warthog] Look, see these two tailhooks? They look like tusks. And what kind of animal has tusks?
Grif: A walrus.
Sarge: Didn't I just tell you to stop makin' up animals?

[Donut is showing off his uniquely colored armor to his teammates]
Grif: Uh, hey Donut?
Donut: What?
Simmons: Um, about your armor...
Donut: What about it?
Simmons: How do I put this? Your armor is... um... it's a little... um... Grif, uh, you want to help me out here?
Grif: It's pink! Your armor is frickin' pink!
Simmons: Yeah, that's it.
[Accusatory]
Simmons: Pink.
[Donut has just explained that his armor is not pink, but merely 'lightish red']
Grif: Guess what? They already have a color for lightish-red. You know what it's called? Pink.

Frank DuFresne: Besides, I'm not supposed to get involved unless someone gets hurt
Church: Huh... I see
[Church point his gun at Caboose and then fires]
Caboose: Owwwww! My Foot!
Church: Well, It looks like Caboose has hurt himself... Maybe you should get over there and help him Doc
Frank DuFresne: You know, you could have just asked nicely.

[Cahoose is "interrogating" Donut]
Caboose: This is fun! Ok, ok, your turn! Truth or dare?
Donut: Hmm. Truth!
Caboose: Ok... tell me... all of the Red's secret plans!
Donut: Aww! You tricked me! You Blue guys are so smart. Ok, now listen closely. Our biggest secret is...
[Church's Ghost runs in and takes control of Donut's Body]
Church: Caboose! Its me, Church! I possesed this guy so we can - hey. This pink armor is kinda comfortable. Roomy. What were you guys talking about?
[Sad]
Caboose: Oh... nothing.

Download Episodes 1 to 37 here.
Download the latest episodes here.

- Daniel

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